I felt utterly defeated and I hated myself for letting things get so bad. I’ll never forget how I felt walking through the doors of the addiction treatment center. Thank God I called the number on the blog and got help. I came across a blog on an addiction website that told me I had to get immediate medical attention. I was violently sick, and, in a panic, I searched online to see if I was experiencing some kind of poisoning. Needless to say, I felt emotionally and physically destroyed. That led to a massive binge where I used more drugs than ever over a week-long period. In reality, my internalized stigma about addiction, coupled with my denial, kept me from seeking the help I desperately needed - like so many other Americans.įortunately for me, my world crumbled when I lost a close family member. I truly believed that I couldn’t possibly have a problem like a drug addict. That’s the thing about drug addiction: it’s the one disease that tells us we don’t have it. I’d also surround myself with people who used more than me, so I could plausibly deny that my addiction wasn’t that bad. I’d tell myself that my stress validated my drug use. Recognizing those failures wasn’t enough though, my denial ran much deeper. You can stop whenever you want.” The reality is that I’d end up getting home in the early hours of the morning and calling in sick to work the next day. Recalling the earlier promise, I’d made to myself, I’d say “You’re fine. Four hours later, I’d find myself in the bathroom lining up. My typical drug use and denial looked something like this: I’d go out to a bar after work, telling myself I’d only have one drink and then head home. How I Denied My Drug Addiction for Yearsįor years, I told myself that I had control over my substance use. And the guidance and support of addiction recovery professionals is why I remain sober today. I was so ashamed of my addiction, but I was equally so stuck in denial that it took ten years of failed attempts for me to say goodbye to drug addiction and fully embrace recovery.įortunately, at the bitter end of my addiction, I made a smart choice to go to treatment. One of the major barriers to treatment is stigma. Substance use disorders impact over 21 million Americans each year, but only 10 percent of people get the life-saving treatment they need.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |